Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
