She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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