he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
