i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
