LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
