I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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