My balls are so social today.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
