do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
