She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
