i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
