Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
