good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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