he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
