Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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