On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
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People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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