You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
