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Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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