It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
MIDGETS
????
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
