I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
