you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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