You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
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Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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