He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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