Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
