he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
honey bunches of taint.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
