I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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