hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize