Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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