Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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