the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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