yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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