i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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