Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
