i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
