Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
