I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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