we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
