I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
