apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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