She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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