Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
