my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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