it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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