Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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