I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
