At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
