i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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