I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
