I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
