FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
