I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
