70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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