I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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