I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
