we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
