I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
