can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
