So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
