btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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