somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
