Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
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I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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