Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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