I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
