my vag is so smooth its legendary
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
