Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
